The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Randomize
