I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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