chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
