We named our party play list daddy issues
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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