like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
