I wish life had little blips of pornography
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Randomize
