I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
third nipple confirmed
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Randomize
