I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
