I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
