I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
