I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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