kristin has been a bad kristin
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
