This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
