so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
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