i wish my penis had a tongue
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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