He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
