what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
