I think i peed on brittanys purse
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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