Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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