I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Randomize
