Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
