remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
