brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
