i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
