that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
