she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
40s are totally the cure
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
