Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
