I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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