just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
