Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
