Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
