Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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