The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
