at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
