I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
