it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
