So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
