Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
