Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
COCAINE IS GR8
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
