I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
