i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
