one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
