dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
