I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
