she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
