i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
