even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
