I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
