I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
