he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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