im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
