omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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