Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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