This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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