I am full of burrito and curiosity
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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